Writing

Sylvia hugged her dark shall closer, faded and drab. It stood out against the bright happy walls of the room, against the beautiful white rocking chair, unused. She looked over to the empty, brand new crib, then lowered her wrapped arms to over her stomach. How desperately she wanted to fill these walls with the sounds of a child. "Sylvia, my love?" The exhausted call of Andrew, Sylvia's one and only, woke her from her reverie, causing her to look over her shoulder to give him a tired smile. "Come now, we cannot keep the doctor waiting all day." His hand outstretched and made a small "come on" motion. She let out a heavy breath, dabbing the scarf against her eyes as she touched knuckles with Andrew. A non-verbal "I love you" for the pair of them, who were both so bad at saying it. "Do you think he will have a solution?" She asked him with a small hopeful glace. Andrew felt his heart squeeze. He had heard of families who strugg...

This chapter fixing mainly dealt with spelling errors than anything else. I did make it longer and add more descriptive words to help the story flow better. I also added a few more scenes to tie it over to the previous chapters. Alyanna pulls her makeshift shield closer to her body, ears ringing as bullets hit the shield. Grunting as the impact of the bullets made the shield shake her arm yet ignored it as she uses her other hand to reach for her belt. She fumbles around till she grabbed her last grenade and quickly pulls the clip before tossing it. "Duck!" someone yelled as they saw the grenade fly towards them. Alyanna didn't stay behind to see who scream or survive and run off towards the forest. The ruins of her old home town made her heart drop as tears form. She quickly shakes her head to stop the tears. Forcing herself to ignore the dead bodies of familiar friends and families, she forced herself to run faster. "Alyanna! Over here!" a familiar voice...

The main thing I ended up changing was my grammar and spelling. I did also change the flow of the story so it ran smoother than before and made the puns more spread out. I also made it more descriptive to make the reader feel like they're in Daniel's home. It was a couple hours before dinner when Daniel saw Peter walking out of The Place of Secrets. His papa was walking beside him as they made their way home. Daniel sighs in relief as they made their way home, happy that no one is sending the young boy out of the village. He glances down at the rabbits before making a small pouch with his shirt, bending to scoop the little bunnies into the pouch. He chuckles feeling the small bunnies burrow against his stomach, nuzzling the warmth that radiated off of him. Once he made it home, Daniel slowly makes his way to his room as he heard his parents shuffle in the kitchen. He shifts one of his shoe boxes into a makeshift home and gently lays them in there, draping a shirt over the...

I work changed some spelling errors as well as a few grammar mistakes. I had to fix punctuation as well and add some articles and change verb forms. I also broke down some sentences and word choices. Trailing behind his father, Daniel kept his head down as he thought about the events from earlier. "Keep your head up boy, I'm sure he'll be fine," Thomas said, noticing his son's expression. Looking up to meet his father's gaze, Daniel slowly nodded and focus ahead. "Alright," he said, giving his dad a reassuring smile and soon begins walking alongside him. His sudden change in demeanor didn't change his thoughts on Peter's outcome and what will happen. Pausing in mid-thought once they came upon the communal area for lunch, Daniel smile as he saw his mother wave them. He makes his way over to hug and kisses her cheek before taking a seat on one side. "Is it true that Peter punched Joshua?" his mother asks his father. He didn...

I remove some phrases that weren't needed and change verb forms. I had to fix some grammar and punctuation as well. I also change to show the reader what Daniel is feeling instead of telling them. I also space things out a bit more so the words moved better. Mouth gaping in shock as he watches the altercation between Peter and Joshua. He glances between the two boys, a knot growing in his stomach as everyone stared at Peter in fear. Daniel grabs the shoulders of the younger kids and leads them away as Andrew came over to grab Peter. He quickly ushers his son away as more adults came to the area to get their children. Many of them whispering among themselves at what happened. His ears burn to hear it all. "Poor boy. Barely lost his father and now he'll be forced to leave the town," Mrs. Baker said to Ms. Potter. "Bringing the sickness into the village is a serious crime. It does not matter what the boy has been through. Peter must be cast out," another ...

Alyanna pulls her makeshift shield closer to her body as her opponent kept firing at her. She grunts as the impact of the bullets made the shield shake her arm painfully but tries to ignore it. The dark hair girl curses before grabbing her last grenade and tosses it. “Everyone duck!” one of the men yell as everyone follows runs to cover. Alyanna didn’t stay behind to see who survive and runs off towards the forest. The small ruins of her old home town made her feel sadness before shaking her head knowing she shouldn’t let her emotions get the best of her. Alyanna forces herself to ignore the dead bodies of fallen friends and families, forcing herself to run faster. “Alya! Over here!” a familiar voice call over and sees her friend, Charvi waving her over. The dark hair girl perks at the sight of the redhead and quickly rushes over before both took off to the forest. Once they made it to the forest, both girls slowly started to slow down till they made it to a clearing. Alyanna...